Cooperative Overlapping and Its Effect on Romance

The simplest way to imagine a conversation goes like this: one person talks, another listens, and then they take turns replying.

However, real-life conversations don't always turn out like that. There are times when the second person has already begun replying before the first person is even finished with his or her sentence. It's odd and disruptive . . . or is it?

Regardless of how we feel about it, there's actually a name for it now: cooperative overlapping.

The Definition

Many may feel tempted to flat out call it interrupting someone, but there's a lot more to cooperative overlapping than that.

This is a conversational style where its user tries to enhance the topic by “overlapping” with the person he or she is speaking to.

By speaking positively at the end of the other person's sentence, there is the intent of supporting, encouraging, and building rapport.

Overlapping in a conversation can have roots in one's cultural or even familial background. Belonging to a family with this particular habit, for example, makes it easy to adopt the same habit over the years, for better or for worse.

How It Affects Relationships

Although it is always intended to be supportive and positive, those who do not practice overlapping as a conversational style often see it as anything but.

The opposing style, now called turn-taking, is how conversations play out in the simple imagining mentioned above. People take turns speaking and no one replies out of turn.

When it comes to relationships, couples with contrasting styles may misunderstand one another. In turn, this can lead to communication issues and even resentment towards each other.

The turn-taker in the relationship will feel disrespected when he or she is ‘interrupted.' Meanwhile, the overlapper will feel hurt at the accusation of malice.

The Solution

If left unmanaged, this contrast in conversational styles can lead to couples breaking up, or at the very least, considerable amounts of misery for the two individuals in the relationship.

The first step to managing this type of conflict would be to acknowledge one's tendencies as far as conversations are concerned. Ask yourself this: are you an overlapper or are you a turn-taker?

Becoming self-aware in this manner can help determine what to do next. If you're an overlapper and you notice your partner not responding well to your tendencies, then managing this verbal habit will be your next challenge.

If you happen to be a turn-taker and you feel bothered by your overlapper partner's tendencies, then discussing your issues about it is your responsibility. You may even challenge yourself to do a bit of overlapping here and there, if only to meet your partner halfway.

Should there ever be a definitive dating guide written one day, dealing with communication issues would be among its most important chapters. A problem like cooperative overlapping is a small hurdle, but only if couples are aware it even exists.

Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to converse. Those who overlap aren't necessarily in the wrong, but if the intention behind the habit isn't made clear, then that is when people start trudging down the wrong path.