Nine Truths Narcissists Will Never Tell You

A woman admiring herself in the mirror.
Break free from their control. Learn about the nine truths narcissists will never tell you.

Why do people keep secrets?

For some, it’s because they don’t want to share information that may lead to disagreements. Meanwhile, others keep secrets for fear of being judged and rejected by society.

However, for narcissists, they keep secrets to maintain control over their primary source of validation or “main supply.”

Narcissists strive to create the perfect image of themselves and live in their own distorted version of reality. They are willing to lie to and exploit anyone who can help them support this false persona and the fabricated world they’ve constructed.

But being their main supply doesn’t mean you get to know everything about them.

To be able to continuously boost their ego, you need to believe, just as strongly as they do, that they can never do anything wrong.

If you’re unable to do so, it’s as if you’re rubbing salt into their wounds.

You’re touching on their insecurities and making them feel like they’re not good enough, contrary to their perceived sense of self.

Because of this, the truth can be a powerful weapon against a narcissist.

By really knowing them, you’ll be able to defend yourself from their manipulative tactics and resist their attempts at undermining your confidence and self-esteem.

It’s better to know these truths early on in your relationship with a narcissist to make more informed decisions about your future together.

Having said that, here are the nine truths narcissists will never tell you.

1. The truth varies.

It doesn’t matter if you think you’re right. Narcissists will change the truth depending on whether it’s beneficial to them or not.

Oftentimes, they’ll gaslight you into doubting your own memories or downplaying your experiences. They may also conveniently forget certain details about what happened to suit their narrative.

2. They’re never sorry.

Narcissists will never admit their wrongs. Everything they do is justifiable.

Meanwhile, you’re always the one to blame for unfortunate situations. This is how a narcissist makes you feel inadequate, undermining your confidence in the long run.

3. Everyone is collateral damage

A woman who looks stressed out
“It’s all your fault!” Shifting the blame to you is how a narcissist makes you feel inadequate.

Their image is all that matters to them, which means they’ll do anything to preserve it.

If their actions negatively affect you and other people, you’re all simply collateral damage. And they don’t care if you are.

4. Limitations only apply to you.

Narcissists feel entitled to having everything they want. They challenge rules and limitations, believing that they’re the exception.

Meanwhile, you’re expected to strictly follow them. If certain rules and limitations don’t apply to you as well, it’s as if you’re making them feel less special.

5. They will never be satisfied.

As their main supply, you may be constantly giving your resources, such as time, effort, love, money, and privacy, to the narcissist in an effort to satisfy them.

However, they have a bottomless need for attention and respect. Nothing you do will ever be enough for them.

6. They always think that they’re above everyone else.

In a normal, healthy relationship, you’ll find that your partner will give you validation and support, positively affecting your self-esteem.

However, don’t date a narcissist as they’ll only try to bring you down to lift themselves up.

If someone compliments you, for instance, they’re quick to correct the person by pointing out one of your flaws and redirect the admiration towards themselves.

7. They don’t feel love.

 A man watching his girlfriend leave.
Distancing themselves and no contact. This is how to know if a narcissist is finished with you.

Narcissists may tell you that they love you, but they don’t truly mean it.

They’re incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. If they were, they would take accountability for any harm their actions may have caused and appreciate the efforts you put into the relationship.

8. You’re disposable.

Many people ask, “How do narcissists treat their partners?”

The answer to that would be…like disposable objects.

Once they feel you’re no longer of use, they’ll leave you and find another person to exploit. First, they’ll quit talking to you until there’s suddenly no contact. That’s how to know if a narcissist is finished with you.

Or, if you have little to offer, they’ll treat you as a backup option and would secretly pursue other relationships behind your back.

9. They fear criticism.

Narcissists go to great lengths to maintain their perfect image. This means that accepting criticism is not their strong suit, as it hints at their flaws.

If you point out one of these truths and expose their weaknesses, expect retaliation.

They’ll accuse you of having the very flaws you pointed out, deflecting the focus away from them. Or, they’ll launch a smear campaign to harm your public reputation.

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Signs a Narcissist is Using You

“How do I know if I’m in a relationship with a narcissist?”

Now that you’re aware of the nine truths narcissists will never tell you, use them to gain insight into the relationship dynamics you have with your partner.

While they may not openly reveal their secrets, careful observation will allow you to spot the red flags of a narcissist.

1. Constantly talking about themselves.

Do they never focus on the things you say? Do they only talk about their achievements, interests, and experiences?

As mentioned, narcissists believe they are above everyone else, disregarding rules and limitations.

If your partner is too preoccupied with talking about themselves and fails to listen to you, unfortunately, they may be using you to boost their ego.

2. Enjoys throwing insults.

Does your partner always insult you? Do they like to say things that make others uncomfortable?

Narcissists like to feel good about themselves and they don’t care if it’s at your expense or the expense of others.

3. Plays the victim.

Do they make you doubt yourself? Do they make you feel like you’re always in the wrong?

As you already know, narcissists are skilled at twisting the truth to fit their narrative, especially during arguments.

They use manipulative tactics like gaslighting and blame-shifting to manipulate your perception of reality, painting themselves as the victim rather than acknowledging their own faults.

4. Slowly isolates you.

If a narcissist is using you, they only want you for themselves until they’re ready to let go of you.

To prevent you from realizing this, they may try to slowly isolate you from your support system.

They can start by discouraging you from hanging out with friends and eventually progressing to extended periods of not seeing your family.

5. Never reciprocates.

Have you received anything in return for your love?

Narcissists only like to be on the receiving end of your efforts. They will never reciprocate nor will they feel sorry for not meeting your needs in the relationship.

A woman who’s alone in her room
The truth is a powerful weapon. Use it to see whether your partner shows any red flags of a narcissist.

How to Fall out of Love with a Narcissist

Falling out of love with a narcissist is not easy.

For instance, you may be aware of their manipulation, but still hold on to the hope that you can help them change.

Or, it may be that you’ve grown accustomed to your toxic relationship that the thought of falling out of love with them is unsettling.

However, it’s possible for you to emotionally detach from them and leave the relationship by using the truths and signs. Here’s how.

1. Acceptance.

Being aware of a narcissist’s secrets, accept that you can’t do anything to change them. It won’t happen even when a narcissist meets his match and receives the same treatment they gave you.

Change can only happen if they decide to work on themselves.

However, most narcissists are deep in their idealized version of reality and are unaware that they’re causing problems.

If you try to suggest change, know that they will be extremely resistant as it means taking down their illusions of grandeur.

2. Recognize that you deserve better.

You dated a narcissist, not because you fell in love with them, but because you fell in love with the persona they created for you.

In the initial stages together, they made a superficial impression by aligning their words and actions with what they believed to be your ideal type.

Now, try to rationalize the situation.

Would you have fallen in love with them if you knew about their true self earlier?

If the answer is no, stop clinging to their idealized version of themselves. Avoid ignoring the red flags of a narcissist and see how they’re harming your overall well-being.

Recognize that you deserve someone who will treat you better.

3. No contact.

After you’ve accepted the truth about the narcissist and recognized the need to leave for the better, communicate your decision to them and establish no contact.

Do not give them opportunities to manipulate you back into the relationship.

Block them online and offline, and inform your friends and family about the situation.

This will prevent the narcissist from using them as a means to reach out to you.

Moreover, now that you are out of the relationship, use this time to reconnect with your loved ones and focus on self-healing.

A woman reconnecting with her best friend after knowing how to fall out of love with a narcissist.
After figuring out how to fall out of love with a narcissist, reconnect with your loved ones.

Staying Grounded in Reality

It’s a norm for narcissists to live in a web of lies.

However, avoid getting pulled in and wasting your time and effort trying to validate their false sense of self and idealized world.

Instead, stay grounded in reality.

Use the aforementioned truths and signs to help you defend yourself from their manipulation, to empower yourself, and to make your way out of the relationship with them.

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