The 12 Rules of Breaking Up With Someone
You’ve reached the end of the line. You’ve tried everything you can to save the relationship, but it’s just not working. Now, you want to let go.
But how do you get the courage to leave a relationship? How do you break up with someone you still love?
Truth be told, there’s no easy way to let go of a relationship, especially if you’re still in love with the person. As the song “The Scientist” goes, “Nobody said it was easy.”
Whether it’s an impulsive or slow breakup, it would still be heartbreaking. Breaking up with someone you love is one of the most difficult things you’ll go through in a relationship. It can feel like your whole world is falling apart. You may feel sad, angry, confused, or perhaps relieved. It’s normal to feel this rollercoaster of emotions.
According to Psychology Today, an unexpected and unwanted breakup can be a psychologically traumatic event. It can feel like a physical blow, leaving you feeling shocked, devastated, and even physically ill.
But how do you know if it’s time to end things with your significant other?
Telltale Signs That You Need to Break Up
Even if you’ve decided to end things, you still have to take some time to re-evaluate all aspects of your relationship. Here are some telltale signs that it may be time to consider breaking up:
1. You’re no longer happy in the relationship.
This is probably the most obvious sign that it’s time to end things. You may have tried going on dates, having fun, and being intimate, but if you still don’t feel that spark, it’s likely that the relationship has run its course. If you’re not happy in the relationship, then there’s no point in staying in it.
2. You feel like you can’t be yourself around your partner.
When you’re constantly hiding your true self, then it could mean you’re not comfortable in the relationship. If you feel like you have to put on a front or pretend to be someone you’re not around your partner, then that’s a sign that you’re bound to break up in the end.
3. Your partner doesn’t respect you.
Disrespect is a major red flag in a relationship. A healthy partnership is built on trust and respect, and if you don’t have that, then the relationship is doomed.
4. You can’t communicate effectively with your partner.
Lack of communication is one of the most common reasons for relationship breakdown. If you can’t communicate effectively with your partner, then it’s going to be difficult to resolve any issues that come up.
5. You have different values and goals.
Having different values and goals can make it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship in the long run. You need to be on the same page about what’s important to you in life. Otherwise, it’s a major sign that the relationship may not work out.
6. You’re not willing to put in the work to make the relationship work.
Relationships are not always easy. They take work, effort, and commitment from both partners. If you are not willing to put in the effort, then the relationship is doomed to fail.
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The 12 Rules of Breaking Up
Preparing for a breakup is not easy, but it’s an important step in moving on. If you’re thinking about breaking up with your partner, you have to be mindful of the rules of breaking up and end things the right way.
Here are the rules of breakup you have to consider:
1. Do it in person.
If you’re thinking of a breakup over a phone call, don’t do it. Breaking up over the phone, email, or chat is cowardly and disrespectful. It doesn’t give your partner the opportunity to ask questions or get closure. Do your partner the courtesy of breaking up with them in person, even if it’s difficult. Do it in a way that is respectful and considerate of the other person’s feelings.
2. Choose a private place.
If you’re unsure where to break up, just remember to not do it in public or in front of other people. Doing it in public will only make the situation more awkward and uncomfortable. It will also make it hard for the other person to process what is happening. The best place to break up with someone is in a private place. It would give you both the space you need to talk and process your emotions.
3. Be respectful.
Even though you are breaking up with them, they still deserve to be treated with dignity and kindness. Breaking up is already painful enough, there’s no need to add to their pain by being cruel or disrespectful. Do not try to make yourself look like the victim or say anything that will make them feel worse. In short, don’t add salt to the wound.
4. Be honest and direct.
Don’t beat around the bush or try to sugarcoat things. Tell your partner why you’re breaking up, and be honest about your feelings. But remember to be honest without being disrespectful. They also deserve to know the truth about your decision to leave. Give them closure.
5. Listen to your partner’s reaction.
After breaking up with them, your partner may feel sad, angry, or confused. Let them express their feelings, and listen to what they have to say. They may lash out at you or say things they don’t mean. But remember that it’s only natural because they’re confused and going through a lot of pain. Be patient and understanding during this time.
6. Don’t get into a debate.
If your partner tries to argue with you or change your mind, don’t engage. Don’t bring up any past mistakes or arguments. Refrain from using past disagreements as ammunition in the current argument. This will only escalate the situation and make the breakup even more difficult to deal with. Simply repeat that your decision is final and that nothing can change your mind.
7. Don’t give false hope.
Don’t tell the other person that you might get back together someday, even if you think there’s a chance of that happening. This will only give them false hope and make it more difficult for them to move on. Thinking about getting back together only means that your resolve to leave the relationship is not that strong.
8. End the conversation.
After breaking up with your partner, don’t drag out the conversation any longer than necessary. If they try to argue with you or change your mind, simply state that you have made your decision and that you are not interested in discussing it further. Then end the conversation and walk away. This will help de-escalate tensions. It is always possible to break up without going to pieces.
9. Don’t keep in touch with them.
Don’t maintain contact with your ex-partner after a breakup. Unfriend them on social media and delete their contact number. Doing so is not a sign of immaturity, but rather a way for you to move on and heal. This may be difficult, especially if you share a lot of history together. However, it’s crucial to cut off contact so you will not be constantly reminded of the relationship and be tempted to get back together.
10. Take care of yourself.
Breaking up can be a difficult experience for both parties involved, but it can be especially hard for the decision-maker. This is especially true if you’re breaking up with a good person. You may feel guilty about hurting someone who has been good to you. So, you also have to think about your well-being and learn how to free yourself from guilt.
11. Don’t rebound.
It’s tempting to get into a rebound relationship after a breakup, but you have to give yourself time to heal first. Rebound relationships are often short-lived and can lead to more heartbreak. Don’t rush yourself. Give yourself time to focus on yourself.
12. Learn from your experience.
Every breakup is a learning experience. Take some time to reflect on what went wrong in your relationship, and learn from your mistakes. This will help you navigate relationships in the future.
Breaking Up is Hard, but is Often the Best Course of Action.
Breakups are heartbreaking, no matter how you try to do it. Even if you think you had a healthy breakup, there’s no way that you will not feel sadness. It is the end of a relationship that you invested time, energy, and emotions into.
There’s no timeline for how long it takes to get over a breakup. It depends on a lot of factors, such as the length of the relationship, the reasons for the breakup, and your personal coping mechanisms.
When you consider the rules of breaking up, you can help you and your ex-partner deal with the separation in a healthy and respectful way. Keep in mind that you will get through this. It may not feel like it right now, but you will heal and find happiness again.
