Nice Guys Never Win | Fact or Fiction?
Why do nice guys never win?
That is a question many gentlemen ask themselves, wondering why they never win the hearts of their dream girls. Is it something about their appearance? Does their “niceness” turn women off? Are they simply just undesirable beings?
Let’s separate truth from fiction and find out if this notion is a fact.
Why Women Don’t Like Nice Guys
For all the talk they do about wanting a gentleman, many seemingly pivot away from the idea.
People often say nice guys don’t win. Some point out that “nice guys” feel entitled because they are nice. Others highlight their inability to approach women. The way many movies and TV shows depict these men as weak people isn’t helping them much either.
So do women truly dislike nice guys?
Perhaps these points may give you some clarity:
1. Good and bad don’t always apply when dating.
We all know how good and bad works. However, their meanings get lost when you start dating people. In a sudden turn of events, the bad boy becomes the interesting one in a woman’s eyes. On the other hand, the nice guy gets labeled as boring and cliché.
Why? Our standards of good and bad change because we don’t want to be with people whom society sees as a great fit. This applies to women as well.
This may sound strange, but hear us out: “good” people fit most people’s standards, while “bad” ones won’t hesitate to break the rules and assert themselves. Going by this logic, nice guys never win because they can’t make a stand for themselves.
To be clear, bad boys and nice guys apply more to personality rather than a person’s true moral character. Which is why it’s helpful to make a distinction between good guys vs nice guys.
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2. Good is boring.
Most women associate nice guys with safety. While that’s great, it may pale when compared to, for example, late-night drives to forbidden places—an activity associated with bad boys. The rush that comes with that may be a woman’s idea of fun.
3. Women secretly love drama.
There are women who wish their dating lives would turn out similarly to rom-coms. Some want to be swept off their feet through grand gestures, while others want to live life dangerously with a brooding and mysterious man.
The point: these women want a slice of drama in their romances. It makes them feel like the heroines of their narratives, which is understandable.
4. Some women believe bad boys can change.
For some women, one serendipitous conversation with a mysterious guy isn’t enough. When they remain in their orbits, they start thinking their situations may lead to something more. Will the mysterious guy finally let them into his life?
Bad Guy vs Good Guy: A Contrast
What makes bad boys different from nice guys? What makes them attractive to many women? Let’s look at their differences and formulate opinions from there:
1. Bad boys are assertive, while good guys hold themselves back
A bad boy’s assertive attitude is among his defining traits. They know what they want and how they’ll get it, regardless of outside noise.
With that thought, perhaps nice guys are the last to finish because they usually keep their feelings to themselves. They don’t want to risk alienating or scaring the objects of their affection. This can lead them to be indecisive—something women find unattractive.
2. For bad boys, rules are made for breaking
A bad boy’s assertiveness meshes well with their distaste for following rules. If a nice guy doesn’t step out of line, a bad boy prefers unsupervised movement. This freedom appears more attractive to many women.
3. One can see a nice guy’s moves coming from afar
Unfortunately for nice guys, many women can predict their tactics. The dinner date and conversation bore them. And because of that, those women seek out the unpredictability bad boys give because of the thrill. It doesn’t mean that dinners and conversations are a bad dating tactic, but they often aren’t enough to set you apart from the crowd.
How Nice Guys Can Succeed in Dating and Love
Why do nice guys never get the girl, you ask? Maybe the answer lies in their tactics.
If you consider yourself a “nice guy,” know that hope isn’t lost! You may be making mistakes you’re unaware of. Fortunately for you, they can be fixed.
You can still win over the woman of your dreams with a few key adjustments. Boost your confidence by adding these no-nonsense tips to your arsenal:
1. Avoid putting women on a pedestal.
You shouldn’t view anyone with rose-colored glasses. People have flaws, and that’s normal!
Hoping for and expecting perfection will only lead to disappointments because they create unrealistic expectations.
2. Don’t be too passive.
Many believe nice guys never win because they’re too passive. Challenge and defy that stereotype by outwardly showing your interest. Take a page from a bad boy’s book and assert yourself. You shouldn’t wait for a girl to make the first move. But nice guys do it all the time—wait for their date’s approval at every turn, making them look like they don’t have a backbone.
This can may perhaps be the biggest change in yourself. Being nice doesn’t mean you can’t take charge. It doesn’t mean you have to look left and right every time you make a decision.
3. Cut your people-pleasing tendencies and habits.
Being selfless is one thing. It’s a great habit to keep, but don’t let it reach the point where you’re ignoring your needs and doing it for validation and approval. If you ask most women about what makes nice guys unattractive, this may be a common reason.
Stay true to yourself and set healthy boundaries. Saying “no” is a powerful and uncompromising thing, and it’s okay to refuse things sometimes.
4. Don’t be too available.
Making yourself too accessible makes you come across as a desperate person. Remember: you still have your life to live! Balancing your availability is not only healthier, but it also adds a little mystery.
5. Don’t brush off red flags!
Even if the girl you fancy is pretty, don’t ignore red flags if you see them. Some of them can be difficult to overcome if you’re late in identifying them. Spare yourself from heartbreak by looking out for warning signs.
6. Let loose and enjoy things.
Taking dating seriously is good. However, it won’t do if you’re acting in a specific manner to make your dream girl take you seriously as a suitor. Dating is supposed to be fun, so don’t be scared to enjoy the moment.
7. Brace yourself for potential pain.
Rejection is inevitable in the dating game, so don’t take it too personally. It’s okay to be afraid of it, but don’t let your fear hold you back from opening your heart.
If popular opinion says nice guys never win, we believe in the opposite. They do and should have a chance at love as much as anyone else.
