Why Slow Dating Works Best in the Age of Convenience
“You up?”
Two words that most people engaging in dating apps get at one point or another. It’s a signal that the person on the other end wants something—usually quick and physical. For many, this works.
But for a growing number in the dating scene, it’s also getting old.
Convenient as these arrangements are, they also leave many feeling numb and unsatisfied. It’s because of such feelings that a trend is now on the rise to counter them. It’s a simple concept; one that isn’t even new to begin with.
Slow dating, the antithesis to the almost breakneck speed of whirlwind modern romance.
What it Means
An appropriate question, given the nuances of the term itself. By its textbook definition, it is taking as much time as you need with the person you want to date or are already dating. No quick commitment, no rushing towards any particular milestones. It is the word slow in every sense.
Yet, there's also room to define it on a case-to-case basis. For example, going slow may mean a month of chatting before agreeing to date. Or, even three months. Or six. Slow, in these cases, can mean as slow as needed. Nothing more.
How this Benefits Couples
The first benefit is obvious: safety. People run the risk of getting into relationships that aren’t right for them if they move too fast. When going slow, both individuals can craft a safer emotional environment. They can get to know each other at a pace that is comfortable.
With such a safe and relaxed pace comes the second benefit. Both individuals can then take their time considering how right they are for one another. After all, learning about shared values, goals, and interests can take time.The same goes for learning about red flags.
By going as slow as needed, each person has greater agency. They can then afford to make smarter decisions for themselves about the relationship. Compare that to most whirlwind romances. Two people meet, commit as soon as possible, only to learn later that they are incompatible. Even worse: they're miserable and hurt.
As exciting as whirlwind romances can be, there’s nothing quite like the foundation built by those that go slow.
The Drawbacks of Going Slow
It's easy to love something—or someone—because. To know the true value of going slow, we must love in spite.
In other words, an assessment would not be complete without mentioning the drawbacks. An obvious one would be missing out on someone attractive just because that someone prefers a faster pace. In the short-term, that would sting. Yet, there's also no guarantee that dating that person would have turned out well.
Then, there are the drawbacks of boredom. Of doubt. Or, even the disconnection that may happen during the slow grind. This is due to our natural human desire for novelty. Feeling these things does not mean the relationship isn't working.
That leads us to an important question. Do you live for the excitement or do you live for the deep, genuine connection that you know awaits you down the line? If you lean towards the former, then slow dating may not be appropriate for you yet. Still, there’s no denying its benefits, which far outweighs the drawbacks.
Plus, with a stronger and more genuine connection, there won't be a need to send half-baked chats at 2 am to someone who is most definitely not up.